Months ago, actually it was over a year ago, when I switched to the ESV I began the countdown to the ESV Study Bible. I purposely bought a smaller, less expensive ESV because I knew when the Study Bible came out I’d want one. Never-mind that I have since received the Literary Study Bible… twice (don’t ask) and bought another one that was supposed to be my “forever Bible”.
So back to the countdown. I have been waiting. It’s been on backorder since the date was announced.
Waiting….
and waiting
During that time of waiting, through the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives we have become acutly aware that we need to make some changes in our spending habits. One of which is no longer buying things that are on the long list of “wants” and not at all on the short list of “needs”. A new study Bible – not on the need list – not at all. But oh so very much on the want list. Heavy Sigh. So I dutifully and, yes, joyfully canceled my backorder. I knew that, like in everything else, God would provide if it was for my good and His glory. I know it’s a little silly. While some people are praying for the healing of a loved one, or world peace, I was thanking God that I knew he would provide for me to have a shiny new Bible if He wanted me to have one. I know – I sound ridiculous.
Well, to make a long story short. My mother bought me an ESVSB. It came today. I know she knew I wanted one. She also knew I canceled my backorder. She loves me and wanted to bless me and I am very grateful. But I know this Bible is not manna from heaven in the traditional sense. If I had never told her about my big “sacrifice” and she had bought me one anyway, now that would be something. Oh, and if I had won either of the two “win a free ESVSB” contests I entered… I’m pathetic, I know.
Don’t misunderstand me – I LOVE this Bible. This Bible will be a great tool for me and I’m sure will help me in my pursuit of knowing God and His word more. But to tell the truth I’m a little bit afraid of it.
For starters, the thing is HUGE. I love what one brother said when my husband told him about the gift and that I would get the Bible while he got the free online ESVSB that came with it…
“Jenn may get the Bible- but you’ll have to carry it- it’s heavy! You will be a “bearer of The Word” hauling that big ol’ Bible around”
In addition to it’s size, it is really packed full of great information. I love it. I can’t wait to sink my theological teeth into it. But in addition to what God has to teach me from the Word itself, and the scholarship of the great men who worked on the notes and articles, I know He wants me to learn a little bit more. Bible gluttony maybe? Why do I have so many extra Bibles on my shelf when there are people elsewhere who cannot get ONE because they are illegal. There are lessons of faith to be had. Did I REALLY trust Him or did I manipulate the situation by letting my loving mother know that I was going without? Is this any different than pouting because I wanted a particular doll when I was six? And then – the horrifying idea that I was eagerly awaiting the mailman not because I wanted to see him come to know Jesus through my testimony… but because he may have something I wanted in a brown cardboard box.
I love my new Bible but I think its lessons are going to be painful.
Ps. My husband wanted me to add that it has a great “New Bible Smell”. He’s got issues.
pilgrims in a postmodern world 